Having a random hookup so left but love u
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Randomize
