I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
tell me about the fingering
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