My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
