i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
