Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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