Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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