Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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