i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
