I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Randomize
