she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
