So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
