Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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