Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Randomize
