My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
