The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
