Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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