do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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