I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Randomize
