I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
