therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
