you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
