Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
