i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
We had sex on a dog bed..
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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