thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
