i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
