1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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