I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
