They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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