We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Just cropdusted the office
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
