just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
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