The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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