i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
