Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
