I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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