while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
My breath smells like gin and sadness
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
