yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
