I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
