If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
