Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
I just made out with a guy for $7.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
