I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
