Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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