I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
