My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
