So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
