WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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