how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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