goodnight i made you a song goodbye
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Randomize
