we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
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