Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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