Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
