I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
he shaved USA in his pubs
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
