I think scott just propositioned me for sex
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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