My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I still have a little drunk in my system
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
