i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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