no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
