As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
