I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
